Discomfort, Dis-ease, and Freedom
Hello Beloved Friends and Yogins,
Crap, it’s Pumpkin Spice Month and after a short respite, desert temps once again skyrocketed above the 100 degree mark. Fortunately and just recently I’ve become a person who’s not putting myself through unnecessary discomfort so when temps soar, I just stay home!
Due to the heat, my impatience, or my abject intolerance for bullshit these days, we’ll get to the probing questions right away:
Are there any places, or should I say, where in your life are you tolerating, or even causing yourself varying levels of discomfort? And why? I know these questions make us embark on a hard road, but trust me after it feels horrible and you hate me for asking, you’ll be glad you walked here with me.
Story time - I’m not a great driver, it’s not my fault, I’m from New York and never was asked to drive the bus or engineer the subway through the tunnel but by some miracle, I always got where I was going. Not only am I a fairly poor (not dangerous) driver, but I absolutely hate driving and sadly, I’ve spent the last 30 years feeling like a cotton headed ninny muggin around this. So many times I’ve put myself in situations where I was terrified driving, knuckles white, stomach in knots, and judging myself every moment of the journey. The self talk was of the sort I won’t even repeat but you’ve no doubt heard or said such things before, in addition to the familiar, “But even if I do get there alive, where the hell am I gonna park?” Here’s the funny part and the compassion part - OTHER PEOPLE FEEL THE SAME WAY! I was last year years old before I knew this tidbit of information and that knowledge alone has freed me beyond measure.
You see, what I’ve found is that one of the reasons we continue to put ourselves in uncomfortable positions is that mean spirited self-talk and self judgement that we all engage in at times. “I’m going to endure this discomfort in this situation/relationship because it’s a stupid thing to be uncomfortable with, or my discomfort is unreasonable, sound familiar? It’s actually ridiculous, as if some kind of immersion therapy is going to cure our fears.
You know the scenario, you’re heading into a gathering with a friend/family member/partner and you have an uneasy feeling or even dread, or you’re going to a party with a friend and accept their offer to drive even though their driving scares the daylights out of you. But we live in a “suck it up” society where we’ve been conditioned to override our highest intuitions.
It’s important to note here that we don’t all “feel” things in the same way. In fact, that may be the first work you need to do, just learn to recognize your own discomfort and the unique fashion in which it shows up.You may be a kinesthetic person, in that you feel dis-ease in your body, or you’re a verbal person that engages in a lot of conflicting self-talk, or a variety of other ways a person might mark that something isn’t quite right. For most of us though, especially if there’s been some previous trauma to overcome, we may immediately go to a place of not trusting that our feelings are valid and the next step is to jump to overriding our feelings and putting ourselves in the situation anyway. Before you say you don’t have a choice (yes, sometimes I have to drive to work or play), but try to look at the fact that you may indeed have a choice more often than you think, especially if you take people pleasing and avoiding conflict off the docket.
Recently, a neighbor asked me to do something that didn’t feel safe for me. I had the first impression to say, “Sorry, I’m busy I can’t do that” But then I thought no, that’s not my truth and I deserve to be clear and honest, so when I empowered myself and replied with “I’m sorry, that just doesn’t feel safe to me” she replied easily and compassionately! I didn’t force myself through discomfort, didn’t judge myself as weak or scared, told my truth and advocated for my comfort and it worked out! And when my beautiful friend asked her beloved to take an Uber from LAX rather than have her terrified, battle LA traffic, he responded “of course, my love”. That request she previously wouldn’t have made because she was so busy feeling bad about herself for a normal reaction to a supremely stressful situation.
I’m so grateful to be surrounded with people growing with me.
So next time you’re faced with a situation like these, what if you try this on instead? Wow, I’m really uncomfortable in this situation, how can I take care of myself right now? Do I really deserve/need to endure this discomfort or can I make a different choice right now? Some of this actually boils down to embracing your own power and detaching from your own judgement and that of others, and as a bonus, you empower them to do the same. And, what will you do when people respond supportively rather than fulfill the yucky story you made up?!
Remember if you love and honor yourself, you’ll teach others to do the same, and we’re all worth it!
AF Yoga
This blog post was written by Amanda Freed, founder of Primordial Power Coaching and expert in corporate culture training, yoga, meditation and event presentations. Reach out to book a session with Amanda today.
